Tipping is Not a Place in China

How Much Should You Tip?

The new post-pandemic sign on the mirror in the hair salon says, “Tipping” is NOT a place in China! Tip the shampoo people GENEROUSLY!”

Now, I am probably the worst tipper in the world. Not because I tip way too little, on the contrary, I tip way too much. There are two reasons for this. One is a math blockage that makes me give more than is necessary. If I have to do a quick math calculation in my head, I over-tip.

My best friend, Michelle, who is a math teacher, while acknowledging that I do have a problem with math, disagrees with my assumption of why I deserve the title of world’s worst tipper. It is not my ‘math blockage,’ she says, it is because I am intimidated into tipping more by the people who perform the services.

“Take the sign in the salon,” she tells me. “You’ll tip more because you feel intimidated.” She’s right.

For a good part of my life, I tipped just about everybody who was performing a service. I almost tipped my child’s teacher until I thought better of it. Instead of a tip, Mrs. Andulini may have seen it as a bribe to give my daughter a better grade in algebra. (My daughter Melissa had inherited my math gene/blockage, you see.) But most other people in my life got a tip. Was it because I truly felt intimidated or was I just a generous person who couldn’t do a quick percent calculation?

The problem with tipping is that some people expect you to tip them even if the service you receive is shoddy. And now we are expected to tip ‘over and above’ what we normally would. No more 18 or 20 percent; now I’ve actually seen signs that ‘request’ 30 percent.

This always leaves me in a dilemma. I still tip because I feel that I have to do so. Not so my husband, Alan. He is a generous tipper when the service is good, but he does not tip well for shoddy, no way. He will also not be forced into recouping monies lost for others because of the pandemic. It affected us financially as well. We will tip, but don’t push it.

A good example of this was when the server at a local restaurant took our order and then spent twenty-five minutes flirting with two men at another table causing our meal to be delayed. The seltzers with lime juice we ordered never found their way to our table, we got diet something instead. We politely asked for the seltzers again but we never did get them. The salads had the wrong dressing put on them. Twice. (She got very nasty about the dressing. I guess it was because we dared to complain about the seltzer thing). And the main course was not what we had ordered even though she insisted we had. This fiasco went on for almost two hours and by then we decided to eat what was in front of us because we were tired and hungry. Her ‘non-tip’, to say the least, was not what she expected. I could tell she was angry but my husband stood his ground. Tipping for him is based on the quality of service. Shoddy service equals shoddy tip or no tip at all.

Tipping is an international tradition that goes back centuries. It began as a reward for good service and also as an assurance that you would continue to receive good service in the future. The wealthy always used tipping as a way of making sure they would be remembered favorably by people. They also knew that news of their generosity would spread to others who might perform a service for them, ensuring, you got it, excellent service. Travelers, in the past knew that a good tip practically assured them a pleasant and easy trip. So do people traveling today.

But, has tipping gotten out of hand? Are we, even though we may be very annoyed by signs that “request” generous tipping, being made to feel that tipping is now part of the charge of a service, that it has somehow been added on what we already have to pay?

To get back to the salon and the sign about tipping generously, I have a question. Is it appropriate for anyone to actually tell us to tip? Who determines what amount is considered generous and what is not? I don’t think it is necessary to demand, as this sign clearly did, a generous tip. No one should feel intimidated into giving a tip. Taking a “tip” from Alan, tipping really should be based on the quality of the service and the amount of generosity should be based on the financial circumstances of the tipper.

Certainly a senior citizen on a fixed income shouldn’t be made to feel as if they are not generous if their tip is smaller than someone whose financial situation is better. The standard fifteen to twenty percent is easier for some people to give than for others. My neighbor, who is eighty-two years old, gets her hair “done” once a week and gives a fifteen percent tip each time. She says this is expected by the staff, but that it is difficult for her. She has said that when she can no longer afford the tip she will have to stop going to the hairdresser. I don’t think this is fair at all. Her tip, however small it may become, is still a sign that she values the service. I would hope that the person doing her hair stops to take the fact that she is a senior citizen into consideration if the tip is less than what is usually the norm.

I think the sign above the sink at the salon is rude and I told the owner that I thought so and that I felt intimidated by it. He agreed with me but said that he didn’t object when his hairdressers put it up because tips are very important to his staff. He did admit, though, that most people had been put off by the sign and tips had gone down. I guess I wasn’t the only person to talk to him.

Okay, I said, but shouldn’t the customers make the decision to tip based

on quality, and shouldn’t generosity be subjective? I suggested that maybe a sign that wasn’t so demanding might work better.

The following month there was a new sign. It read: “If you found the service to your liking, please tip. We appreciate your generosity very much.”

Much better.

© copyright 2022 Kristen Houghton all rights reserved